My little feelings have been hurt, and I have no friends because no one has texted me back. I am now to go get free pancakes all alone.
I HATE THAT YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT.
I hate that whenever I say anything you don’t like, you threaten to break up with me. I hate how small and inconsequential it makes me feel. I know you just threaten that because it’s your defense mechanism, but it makes me feel so worthless and unloved.
I feel like I’ve built my life around someone who just is ready to drop me at the tip of a hat. Why don’t you love me like I love you? I don’t feel like I can be safe anywhere and let myself breath, because if I express myself and people don’t like it I’m out :( This is the most stressful time of my life because I have given notice and planning to move in for the first time with a partner and you shouldn’t be threatening this :( </3
He looks over my shoulder and sees what I’m typing and says “oh this confirms it”. I’m not allowed to express anger, I’m not allowed to ask you not to joke about having other girls. I’m not allowed to express myself anywhere and I feel so trapped :( I’m starting to get used to this, how the emptiness just drills into my soul.
It’s hard because, I love everyone despite their deficiencies but the people around me just don’t reciprocate.
I think I just need to learn to take it with a smile. I don’t have a family, despite times when I like to hope for different. I hoped you were my family. But families are supposed to love you for who you are, throughout your bad times and since I don’t have that………. I’m just going to have to get better at being what others want of me……. Cause it’s apparent no one will accept me for who I am :(
I walked around for two hours in the rain tonight to be denied again. I arrived home with fingers frozen blue and my entire body soaked cold through my rain jacket. I feel dejected and alone. I’m getting used to this feeling. Never have I been told to try, tried my hardest and then humiliated with a medal of rejection. It seems to be stirred from the smallest of details. I often wonder if and when there will a time when someone fights for me. I am tired of being the one who cares.
The mouse awakens the slumbering lion.